November 3, 2016: Election Day
OKAY…tomorrow a brutal election is over. I’m laying down the post-election manner rules.
First: No matter who wins, you have to be nice to the other guys. Whoever wins, half the voters are going to feel gutted. Hillarites and Trumpsters, I’m talking to ALL of you. While of course you are entitled to your celebration, remember what all athletes do: line up, do the hand smack, say “good game…good game…good game…” and say nice stuff when you talk about the other team. You won. Leave it at that.
If you are not absolutely clear on the Manner Rule above, let me make sure you are. We will have just survived what may be one of the most divisive elections in history. If you won, you are absolutely required to stop yourself from physically or verbally throwing your former opponents to the ground and grinding them into the mud.
Why not? Because they are your neighbors. They are your kids’ teachers, your dental assistant, the guy who’s fixing your car, your doctor, the person who donated blood without thinking about who would get it…or the person who’s receiving the blood you donated. They are the person who is growing your food, the person piloting the plane you’re taking, the travel agent who cares about your wedding trip.
Likewise, if your candidate loses: BE GRACIOUS. We have this thing called an election. It’s a war of paper and pen marks and computer screens, and despite what you may have heard in the press…it works. People in countries that don’t have peaceful transition of power would LOVE to have this imperfect process.
I just early-voted. They had multiple checkpoints, from ID to ID questions to getting the paper form we use to scanning it. Voter fraud may be possible, but I don’t really think it happens. Election officials take their jobs very, very seriously. When it’s over, it’s over. If your team won, see above. If your team lost, let the other folks be nice to you. Don’t make this election your life.
TO CONGRESS: if Hillary Clinton becomes President, get a grip, and start learning to compromise. We have had eight years of stonewalling between a Republican Congress and President Obama. Your approval rating has been abysmal. Nobody, nobody, nobody NOBODY wants another four years of you holding the government and the people of this country hostage for your own political agenda. We need better healthcare. We need jobs. You all have GREAT healthcare and ASTONISHING pensions that we all pay for, and jobs with the best benefits in the world. Get over yourselves, and get to work for us.
That’s it. If your team wins, be generous in your victory. If your team loses, be willing to let yourself heal. If you’re in Congress, learn the necessary art of compromise. It’s part of your job. I don’t like all the parts of my job, but I have to do them…and so do you.
And to whoever our future president is: do the best effing job you can, okay? Go down in history as a great leader for ALL Americans. You can’t please everybody – but you CAN be DECENT to everybody. Choose to do that, and be brave